Harry Potter and the Deathly spoilers

This is very interesting... it is an article I wrote after the seventh book Harry Potter was released...

At the stroke of midnight when the world slept millions of crazed Harry Potter fans were awake feverishly awaiting the release of the final book of the series. On July 21st every bookstore saw an ever growing line of kids and adults itching to lay their hands on the seventh book of the series “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”. And yet there was gloom spread over the Potter community. The week before the book was released the internet was abuzz with purported spoilers that gave away the ending of the series. No Harry Potter fan was free from the avalanche of spoilers hitting them from every where. The only ones who were saved from the spoilers were the ones who had unplugged their broadband connections and cut themselves from the whole world for the one week leading to its release. In other words every one had come face to face with the deathly spoilers
They were coming from even respected newspapers such as the New York Times. The Times actually printed an early review of the book and later claimed that they had not spoiled the ending for anyone (Actually they did in fact give away ending in first two paragraphs). The Indian counterpart “The Hindu” printed the very same article on the last page of the newspaper In fact pictures of what seemed to be each and every page of the yet to be released book were actually put up online without even any spoiler warnings. Not to mention a French newspaper printed the names of all those die in alphabetical order. So who are these people and why did they post these spoilers? Couldn’t they have waited patiently for two days before revealing the ending?

These people who posted the spoilers can be described as literary terrorists (or more affectionately leakers). They post the spoilers for no good reason except for maybe the sadistic pleasure they would derive out of infesting and spoiling the fun of fans all around the world (a Harry Potter fan would call them a “bunch of dementors”). In fact one poster called “Gabrielle” who leaked major spoilers viciously said that he was spoiling the books for the sake of Christianity. Oh for god’s sake no where in the bible does it say “Thou shalt not read Harry Potter and the Deathly hallows!”

And of course the various media houses did not want to be left behind in all the fun. Some actually showed those pages in their news bulletins. In fact an Indian news channel called “Headlines Today” actually showed the final two pages of the series on the screen. The words had been enlarged and one could easily read them from a distance. Any one who was lazily watching the evening news bulletin would have found out that the last line of the book was “All was well” because the news reader read it out aloud!

So who won in end? Who was the loser? Sadly all those who spread around the spoilers in order to dent the sales of the book were defeated in their purpose. In the first weekend 72 million copies of the book were sold. JK Rowling became richer than ever, the publishers were happy and the booksellers all over the world were ecstatic. Even people who had never read the books bought a copy because of the publicity the book received ironically thanks to the very same leakers. The only ones who lost were the fans. Kids who had grown up reading the books, the ardent followers who had been awaiting this book for nearly a decade were crushed at the callousness displayed by these so called media houses. But then again a real Harry Potter fan would know that the journey is just as important as the answers. So my dear leakers, you did your worst and you lost. Long after you've moved on to other innocent curiosities you can ruin for gleeful self-aggrandizement, Potter books will still be delighting the pure of heart. You're not so much as a grubby footnote to a literary phenomenon and remember this : Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titilandus….

The smell of dusty old books

Here is the thing... I live on a mountain. As a student living in a hostel far away from home, I am broke on good days. So despite being a worm who eats up books, I have not in fact bought one in over a year. That is not to say that I have stopped reading but I have resorted to simply downloading them off the internet. That makes projectguttenber.org my best friend but it has also kept me away from actual pages. And I love reading books.

When I was young our home at the time actually had a tiny claustrophobic room that housed all our books. I would sit there for hours at a time crouched in one of the bookshelves (they were big enough for a skinny kid to sit on) and would read books for hours to end. I can still remember reading Little Women while munching potato wafers and being angry at the fact Jo didn't love Laurie (I still am actually). I remember the smell of the book, the feel of the pages and the smell of the room. My mom hated the smell... it was this suffocating smell of dusty old books and an airless room but to me it smelt like home.

The thing is ebooks don't smell. They don't rustle, they don't fall off your hands (if they do then your very expensive laptop also goes for a toss) and they don't yellow with age. They don't rip... they don't have character. I must have read all the books by Vonnegut through this way. I read D H Lawrence... I read Camus, Kafka, Meg Cabot, Allen Ginsberg and many more. I loved most of the books but I don't remember them as well. I don't remember how I felt while reading the books, I don't remember what I was eating, I don't remember... period. The plot, the lines, the dialogues are all the same. But everything is more impersonal when it is an ebook. They are cold and lifeless. Books have life. They are full of characters brimming and moments that inexplicably become a part of who you are at that moment. I know the story of Sons and Lovers but I don't connect to it quite the way I connect with Wuthering Heights.

Ah... Wuthering Heights.. I bought it in a second hand shop for next to nothing. Someone had scribbled all over it with notes and comments and in the book jacket it proclaimed - The book belongs to- and there were more than five names next to that. I proudly added my name to the list. The book was withering away in front of me and it seemed to posses the same passion that mirrored the relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine - perfect.

Then there is my LOTR book. All the pages come out and the book is barely holding on but it is a fighter... has given me joy for eight years now. And my fifth book Harry Potter is no different. There are still tear stains in the pages where Sirius falls through the veil. There is also ketchup stain in it... I read the book once while eating a pizza. The edges are all gone but Sirius is still there. I used to joke that as long as I had that book... Sirius would never die.

My Pride and Prejudice book could tell a million stories if it had a mouth. It has carried me through some great times and some tough times. It has faithfully waited me to devour it. I always pull out the page when Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett talk about "accomplished women". I love that part and I know about the many thousand times when I have had a bad day when I pulled out that page and smiled with glee... all pain forgotten.

I have this connection with all my books. There are those who attribute human emotions to their cars, houses, bikes... I love the smell of my dusty old books that are ripped and bent and tearing and looking like they were a hundred years old. Not one is in mint condition. I like it that way. That is another problem with ebooks... they don't bloody rip, they don't make memories. They are lifeless... they are a click away and they don't have dust jackets that your kid cousin could rip in seconds. They don't smell... period.

Losing the love for Harry Potter

I must confess that I am no longer in love with Harry Potter. I was eleven when I read my first Harry Potter book. It wasn't a big phenomenon back then. Few people in India even knew that the series existed. I chanced upon the book in cousin's house and started reading it. And then I fell in love with it. As simple as that. I was madly in love with the nook even before I had finished the first chapter.

Well that began my obsession with the series. I drank the second book when it came out. By then the books had become famous and more kids and secretly their parents as well were reading the awesome adventure of a boy called Harry Potter. But I still wasn't supremely crazy about the series. And then Sirius Black happened in the third book. He was my first real love. I loved him more than Heathcliff, more than Laurie from Little Women and more than (dare I say it?) Mr Darcy. I could not go anywhere without the with at least one of the books tucked under my arms. I cried when Cedric Diggory died and fell even more in love with Sirius when I read that he lived on rats to be close to Harry. By then the series had become a major phenomenon and it seemed all that people talked about was Harry Potter and with that came the inevitable backlash. All of a sudden it was uncool to love the series... but I continued to love it.

Sitting with my friends (who were also at this point HP fans), I would sit and analyze every sentence and every word in the series. I stood in line at three in morning to get the copies of the last three books and I have always attended the first show of every HP movie. So basically one can say that HP was a major part of my life for more than half my life. It became part of my identity. People went as far as associating me with the series.

But this weird thing happened - I could no longer talk about the books. I hated the ending of the last book (come on how cheesy is Albus Severus Potter????? JK totally sold out on that one) and hated even more the fact the series had become predictable. And slowly surely I couldn't talk about Harry.

Is it because I grew up? Or is it because I found other things to love... I shall never know. Maybe it is a combination of the two. Today I would still go to the Harry Potter movie premier but I highly doubt if I would shell out good money to buy another tiny supplementary books (the ones that JK always seems to be writing for charities for exorbitant prices)just because I can't wait to read it. In fact I know for a fact where ever I go next I would probably not even mention the books. I will always love them but I don't think I can ever read them again with the same emotions and feeling as before. Maybe that is ok. Maybe it simply means that a part of my childhood is irretrievably gone and there is no way to bring them back. With Harry, my childhood came to an end. Time to say goodbye to Ron, Hermione, Harry and the whole gang at Hogwarts. I feel like I am standing in the King Cross station and the train is pulling away but I am not running to catch it... I am merely waving goodbye... It is time... Sirius Black alone gets to stay by my side. What can I say? I still love the man.

The Hitch hiker's guide to the Galaxy - Best Guide Ever!

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened"

- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Have you ever read a book that has made you laugh simply on its virtue its own cleverness? Not too many books can strike that balance between complete and total sense and utter nonsense and engage its reader while doing so. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one such book. It is clever, funny, nonsensical and in the strangest way philosophical about life and everything after. Similar to Catch 22, it mocks the bureaucracy and questions the very essence of existence itself. But Catch 22 is a heavy book (despite it being funny) and leaves you confused and in many ways disjointed, the Guide on the other hand leaves you laughing till you stitches burst. Which is not to say that one is better than the other (they are two completely different novels) but simply to say that they should be read with different mindsets.

The story revolves around a bunch of odd ball characters as they travel the galaxy and get into a series of misadventures that are both hilarious and sad at the same time. But all things lead back to the main character - Arthur Dent who is the average everyday man who just happens to be best friends with an alien... not that he knows that cause that would actually make him interesting.

So here is the low down, the book begins with the destruction of the earth (not that you are even allowed to mourn as you are laughing so hard) and Arthur Dent is saved by his best friend and secret alien Ford Prefect. Thus begins the adventure of the odd couple who could not be more different even if they tried. Arthur is a curmudgeon old young English man who likes to live an insignificant but ordered life. He doesn't like the fact there is more to life than his apartment. And then there is Ford Prefect who is actually a travel writer for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and he has been stuck on earth for the better part of ten years and can't wait to get out. And yeah he is an alien. He saves Arthur by hitching a ride into the Vogon ship that is currently in the earth's hemisphere to destroy it. And wait, the Vogons (who by the way write truly horrible poetry) do not like hitchhikers. This doesn't bode well with our travelers of course.

And what is the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy you ask? Well it is the most wonderful, inaccurate guide that helps a poor stranded traveler in space in the most inaccurate manner. It is wondrous because in its cover it displays a big sign that says "Do Not Panic". Now who would not be soothed by that. Basically the Guide is used by Arthur to discover the various truths of the universe.... much to his own displeasure.

Arthur gets into further trouble in space when he joins Trillian and Zaphod Beeblebrox who just happens to be the ex president of the galaxy who has stolen the most amazing ship of all time in order to find the ultimate answer to the universe and everything else. And then there is Marvin. He is a robot who has been programmed to exhibit human emotions - big mistake. Imagine having a brain the size of a planet and having to mundane chores like walking. Marvin is depressed and suicidal... only he can't die given he is a robot.

The story often gets interspersed with accounts from the Guide and it is a wonderful read. The author Douglas Adams had originally created the series as a BBC radio show and it quickly became a sensation. He then penned the plot into one the most successful sci-fi series of all time. Full of dry English wit, the series questions the very essence of life itself. Brilliant. Here is my favorite passage from the series. It is on the universe -

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Greatest series - Catch 22

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
"That's some catch, that Catch-22," Yossarian observed.
"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

Ah Joseph Heller... you dog you. How on earth did you ever think about writing this truly genius but completely crazy book? What went through your head when you thought of creating a character like Yossarian and seriously dude how on earth did you come up with all those zingy one liners? What kind of a mad brain did u possess to even come up with a logic like the Catch 22?

This has to be one of the craziest books I have ever read. Yossarian is the ultimate anti-hero who really is the greatest son of a bitch to have ever graced the pages of literature. And through Yossarian you get to see how much life really sucks.

Catch 22 is a satirical novel that looks at war the way it is supposed to be looked at - a pointless exercise that leads to the death of millions. The message is extremely simple - life sucks... people suck and war sucks. But the plot is extremely twisted and the story follows a non linear pattern so the reader is always left in the lurch wondering about the time frame. The story is woven from different different perspectives of different people. You get the punch line first and you get the story of it later. Sure it can be quite a tedious read but if you stick with it - the joke and the story pays off.

Yossarian is a bombardier who one day loses the will to fly more missions and runs away to the hospital. He keeps going back to his camp in order to finish the required number of missions so he can go back home. But there is a problem - the required missions keep going up and therefore Yossarian can never reach the end and therefore can never leave. He is saved by one code - a code that stipulates that anyone who is mentally unstable can go back home. But here is the problem, if you say that you are mad in order to go back home then obviously you are not mad. Because you have to be mad to fly missions that could kill you. There in lies the catch 22 - you are damned if you do... damned if you don't.

In the course of the novel you meet equally disillusioned bureaucrats who have gone mad and you see the war from Yossarian's eyes who has decided that the entire world is out to kill him. The characters are colorful and completely nuts themselves. There is Milo, the mess hall officer who makes a fortune through a trade that is highly illegal and quite interesting (read the book to get the most wonderful description of war profiteering). There is also a young virile blue blood - Natey who is in love with a whore who simply wants to sleep. Not to mention the dead man in Yossarian's tent. Didn't understand? Well this is war kids... there is not much to understand in this insanity. To anyone who is yet to read this book, here is my sincerest request - read it. It is amazing... nuff said. There is a story about how an interviewer once told Joseph Heller that he could never quite recreate the magic of Catch 22 for which he replied - "Well who has?". Very true. Very true indeed.

I just want to end this post with some of my favorite one liners from the book... hope this entices you to grab a copy -

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had observed that people who did lie were, on the whole, more resourceful and ambitious and successful than people who did not lie.

Yossarian owed his good health to exercise, fresh air, teamwork and good sportsmanship; it was to get away from them all that he had first discovered the hospital..

My absolute favorite -

Anything worth dying for, is certainly worth living for.

Frankly my dear I don't give a damn

There comes a time in every bookworms life when he or she has to confess something very shameful. For me it is finally admitting to myself and the whole world I really really truly unequivocally hate Margaret Mitchell's war dramance (drama and romance) - Gone with the wind. I don't find the book remotely romantic and I find the characters ingratiatingly pedantic. Of course not to mention the plot is painful and contrived. Basically I think the book sucks.

When I was still doing my graduation, I used to do a small show for my college radio where I would critique books. My english teacher wanted me to do a show on Gone with the wind. She excitedly told me how much she loved the book and how much I would love it myself. So I pulled the book out of my library. As it is a BIG book, I took me awhile to finish reading. So whenever someone saw me with this book, they would invariably comment "Ah this book is wonderful... Scarlet is a great character"... blah blah blah. So basically I was conditioned to like the book even before I finished reading it. But finished it I did. But there was a fly in my ointment. I did not like the book and I had to go on air to review it. (Ok maybe five people even heard my college radio but I still thought it was a big deal). So I lied.

In my review I praised the book in every way possible and ever since whenever someone brings up the subject of the book or the movie (the one with Clark Gable) I pretend to love the book. But that is far from the truth - I hate hate hate Scarlett O'Hara.

She is supposed to be this dominating, powerful, and strong female character. One of the greats according to many readers of fictional literature. To that I say - bah humbug. She really has no redeeming qualities. She is a spoilt little rich girl who whines when she doesn't get her way. To Mitchell's credit, she doesn't make any excuses for Scarlett, but doesn't make her a three dimensional character either. She has no redeeming qualities. And entire novel rests on the shoulders of the badly etched two dimensional character.

And no one really understands why she falls for Ashley Wilkes because that man has to be the weakest man-child ever created in the fictional pages. And he is shallow and he is someone who always takes the easy way out in life. He knows life life with Scarlett would be a challenge so he settles for his meek and pretty wife who won't really challenge him.

And then there is the man who supposedly makes women swoon - Rhett Butler. He judges everyone and everything. There is no reason as to why he falls for Scarlett except a misogynistic need to tame her. Again you are left to wonder why on earth you have spent a better part of a thousand odd pages reading the longest Mills and Boons book ever.

And finally the plot for the lack of a better word - sucks. This is the skeleton of the story - Boy meets girl. Lots of chemistry. But girl is a pain in the ass who is in love with a man who can never make up his mind. Boy saves the girl, girl becomes the sole breadwinner of her family. Girl marries the boy for money. Finally something happens due to which Girl realizes she is in love with her husband. But by then boy doesn't give a damn and leaves. But before that the girl is perfectly tamed as she purrs to her husband right before he leave - "If you go, what shall I do?". And even after the boy leaves her, she tries to come up with solutions where he would be back in her life again. Like I said - ew. Sure it is a historical set piece where everything happens against a backdrop of the civil war where issues such as racism, poverty and hunger have been tackled. But as a romance novel, it really is not worth a damn.

Mr Darcy ruined the life of girls forever

Think about it, before Mr Darcy, there really was no one like him. No other character in literature comes even remotely close to the sex appeal Fritzwilliam Darcy from the Pride and Prejudice exudes. Sure some of you would say that Mr Rochester is equally dazzling and to that I say - bah humbug. Hello? He had an insane person locked up in his mansion for years. And thanks to that I must cancel his sex appeal and put Mr Darcy in the forefront again.

I mean think about it, here is a guy who is good looking, well read, extremely wealthy, extremely successful and is arrogant and proud but has a heart of gold. *Sigh*. Even after the heroine of the book, Elizabeth Bennett, basically calls him every bad word in the book and rebuffs him in the coldest of ways - he still loves her! He protects her family from imminent ruin by arranging the marriage between her sister and her rogue of a lover and he does this without ever expecting anything in return. He simply patiently waits for Elizabeth to rid herself of her prejudices and tells her that he loves her only. Can there be a man more perfect that Mr Darcy?

The answer I am afraid is no. There is no man in real life who can even come close to the kind of character Jane Austen creates in Mr Darcy. Hence my conclusion - Mr Darcy ruins the lives of girls all over the world. Because let us face it, every girl who has ever read the Pride and Prejudice (which means most of the adolescent girls around the world)wants to get married to Mr Darcy. She wants a guy who will stand there in the background and defend her honor. Someone who will pine for her but also be sufficiently rude in order to get that perfect mixture of manliness and sexiness.

But let's face it... how many know someone who is even remotely like Darcy? The man doesn't exist! Today guys are more interested in play stations and gameboys and seriously such romance probably didn't even exist in the time of Austen. So basically Austen (who herself remained a spinster all her life... no wonder)created this guy who is emulated by Hugh Grant and Colin Firth in all their movies and you are left wonder if you will ever end up a guy like that.

So dear Ms Austen,
Thank you for creating Mr Darcy. He is impossibly perfect and there can be no one like him. Every day thousands of girls get their hearts broken when they realise that their one and only is not anywhere close to Darcy. But more and more girls read your book and think maybe they would get lucky with their own Darcy. As for me my life was ruined that day in seventh grade when I pulled out this book from my school library and read in one go. I fell in love Mr Darcy before one could say "Pride or prejudice". Since then I have read this damned book at least a hundred times. I am addicted and I can't seem to break my habit. So thanks... I bet you just wanted every girl to be a spinster just like you were. Well bravo... you have definitely given it your best shot.

Love
Aishwarya

P.S But seriously there has to be a guy like Darcy right? Right????